


Where My Demons Hide

by OnlyHereForGallavich (orphan_account)



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Fear, Fluff and Angst, Gallavich, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memories of rape, Panic, Panicked!mickey, Protective!Ian, i really can't do smut, mention of sexual assault, no rape scene, only as a plot device, scared!Mickey, trigger - Freeform, very slight smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2016-11-05
Packaged: 2018-08-29 05:30:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8477158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/OnlyHereForGallavich
Summary: Ian rides Mickey, and it triggers memories of the rape.





	

**Author's Note:**

> hii guys!  
> this one is going to be slightly dark. I've faced sexual abuse in my life, so I tried to correctly show how it feels to be triggered. Please don't read if sexual abuse/anxiety attacks trigger you. There's no in depth description of the rape, just slight flashbacks. I just really wanted Mickey to talk about what happened to him because that really helped me :)
> 
> hope you like it x

Ian didn’t bottom often. But Mickey admitted defeat after round 3, and Ian wasn’t yet sated. So the conclusion was him doing something they almost never did. Ian was groaning as Mickey thrusted in and out of him at a steady pace. Both boys were sweaty and nearly there for the fourth time, when Ian changed it up a bit. He moved from under Mickey, flipped him over onto his back and sunk on to him.

It was good, it was great. That was until Mickey opened his tightly shut eyes to look at his beautiful boyfriend riding him. His breath caught in his throat, and not in the usual fucking way. Instead of Ian on him, all Mickey could see was the memory from years ago, of Svetlana on his body while Ian and his dad watched. He felt sick, nausea rising through him. He hated, HATED that he could even associate the man he loved with one of the worst memories of his life. But now that he had thought it, he couldn’t stop. All he could smell was Svet’s cheap perfume, of the taste of blood in his mouth and the hopeless, broken expression on Ian’s face, the tears on his cheeks. 

He tried to ignore it, tried to focus on the here and now. But panic flooded him, choking him, taking him by the throat and filling his eyes. “Ian,” He moaned quietly, frantically. Ian probably figured it was just a calling out his name while fucking thing, Mickey always loved that. “Ian, fuck, PLEASE,” He shoved Ian slightly, weakly. 

This time, Ian got the message. He got off Mickey in seconds, and then peered down at him worriedly, holding his face between his huge-ass hands. “What’s wrong? Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” He looked Mickey over. All his questions just overwhelmed Mickey more. The tears building in his eyes overflowed and he didn’t answer any of them. Ian’s thumbs came up gently to wipe them away, “Mickey, please. Tell me what’s wrong. You’re scaring me.”

Mickey, in his typical fashion, avoided any question that probed too deeply into his heart. He just shook his head and withdrew deeper into himself. Ian held him, utterly confused and aggrieved because Mickey was in pain and he didn’t know how to help him. 

But Ian understood Mickey, perhaps better than Mickey would like at times. So he just flipped of the bedside lamp, pulled Mickey’s motionless body closer and held him silently. He knew the Milkovich boy would offer information himself if he wanted to. 

And so he did. After about two minutes of just lying there in the darkness and breathing together, Mickey spoke. “I’m sorry.” He apologised. Ian shook his head; Mickey could feel the movement against the back of his neck. “There’s nothing to be sorry for,” Ian insisted quietly. Mickey intertwined their fingers idly, before saying, “I... I kept thinking about what happened with Svet and my dad, ya know?” Finally, Ian could understand what had happened, and his heart broke for the boy he loved. “I’m sorry. I know it was a long time ago, and it’s different now, but all I could think about was her on me, my dad watching, you crying.” It wasn’t easy for Mickey to say, but if there was one person he could talk to, it was always Ian. Ian had always been his person. The only one he would trust with every piece of himself. 

Ian’s eyes flooded at Mickey’s admission. “Mick, it doesn’t matter that it was a long time ago. You don’t need to feel like there’s an expiration date on that, okay? It was horrible, what happened to you. Every day, I wish I could have protected you that day. Every. Day,” Mickey now turned to burrow his face against Ian’s chest; partially for comfort, partially to hide the tears in his eyes. “You’re allowed to be scared, okay Mickey? You’re not weak if you’re scared. I’ll love you even when you’re scared; especially then. You’re safe now, I promise I’ll never let him touch you again,” Ian pressed their bodies closer together. And they silently lay there together. If Ian hadn’t been so hyperaware of Mickey next to him, he may not have noticed Mickey’s small nod and mumbled, “I love you.” 

Mickey’s nightmares would always be his own. But he was always grateful that he had Ian to hold him when they broke him down.


End file.
